Showing us that being single shouldn’t stop you from realising your dream of being a mum – meet Lindsay and Evie.
Evelyn – almost 3 years old
Where you’re from
Where can we find you?
What made you want a family?
I’ve wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember. I have memories of sitting at my mom’s typewriter when I was in elementary school, and typing out lists of names I wanted to name my future children. I played with baby dolls until I was 13 years old (yes, really!) when my mom had another baby and I was able to replace my dolls with a real, live baby! Becoming a mother was written in my destiny.
How did you make your family?
I worked with a known donor to conceive Evelyn doing inseminations here at home. He is still involved in Evelyn’s life as a long-distance Papa/daddy (he lives in Florida, which is far from us). Getting pregnant at home was really cost-efficient (really only had to pay for the insemination supplies), and it was important for me for my child to know who the other half of her genes come from. I was a surrogate mother 11 & 10 years ago (those girls are still in my life & have wonderful families!), and I know how important it is for them to know me, see me. Those experiences helped make the decision to use a known donor an easy one.
Did you face any challenges making your family?
The first known donor I used turned out to have a really low sperm count, so I spent several months trying to get pregnant with him, which was futile. I also had a very short luteal phase, and ended up needing the help of Clomid and progesterone to get – and stay – pregnant. After nearly a year of trying, I finally got pregnant with my little girl and have never been happier.
What were the greatest moments making your family?
That moment I got my first positive pregnancy test! The moment when I found out I was having a little girl at my first ultrasound appointment. The moment she came out, and I placed the first kiss ever on her head. These are the moments that are etched into my memory and heart forever.
Do you plan to have more kids?
If I meet someone and fall in love, I would love to have another child or two! If not, our family will likely remain just me and Evelyn. If I am still single in a decade, I’d like to foster to adopt. For now, we are content with it just being the two of us.
What do you love about being a parent?
Oh, so much! Spending your days with a little one means you’re laughing a lot during the day. The love – oh, the love! My girl is always up for a cuddle, hug & kiss. I love quiet moments, when we’re sitting on the couch or in bed and I’m reading to Evelyn. I love having meals together (when my toddler eats!) and having conversations. I love being a family, even though we’re a small one.
What do you think is the biggest challenge for same-sex parents?
The perception that our family is “good enough”. I get this doubly as a single mom – some folks wonder if I’m doing my child a disservice by not giving her two parents. But the thing is, even though I’m Evelyn’s only parent, she has a whole village of people who love her, and is surrounded by family and friends who help raise her in one way or another. I am fortunate enough to live in Toronto, where there isn’t a whole lot of homophobia, so most people don’t bat an eye at a lesbian being a parent.
How do you manage work and home life?
Work never, ever comes home with me. Work time is work time, and family time is family time. Work will never be important enough to cut into my precious family time. 40 hours of my week is plenty enough. Balancing a full-time job with motherhood and managing everyone on my own as a single mom is absolutely exhausting. But it has shown me just how strong I am, and I’m damn proud of myself, if I do say so myself! My house is often messy – especially during the week. I’m always tired. But my kid is happy, and our world is pretty amazing.
What are your plans for the future?
I want to show Evelyn the world! We have lots of little trips and adventures planned, and as Evelyn gets older, I hope to visit a lot of places around the world. Some day, I hope to fall in love and hopefully expand our family. But more than concrete plans, I hope our future holds a lot of love, laughter, and fun experiences.
What advice do you have for people planning to make a family?
Do it! I spent so long deliberating whether or not I should do it. And I’m so glad I did it! My grandma used to say if you wait for the perfect time to have a baby, you’ll never have one. If you have your ducks in a row and are ready, I say just go for it!
Something else we should know
There is a lot of stigma attached to the term “single mom”. Add the word “lesbian” on to that, and there are a lot of people in this world who would tell you my child would be better off with someone else, or shouldn’t have been born. But my child is so very loved and wanted by me and our family members. All children really need is love – whether they have one parent or four, and whether those parents are gay/straight/bi/poly or anything else, doesn’t matter. Love makes a family.